Five Minutes Unfiltered

We’re not here to worry about what other people think of us, and I think I would be wrong to say we’re not here for other people. I think there’s a balance. In regards to the presentation, it must come from the inside out. Putting focus on the outside in is where I can say we’re not here for others, but when we work from the inside out we certainly find the meaning and the power of living for the people around you.

Eight years ago when I started this blog, I wrote that I was here to write and figure it all out. Since then, I’ve dove into my education, battled with my image, tried to identify who I truly am inside and what I’m meant to do on this earth. If you would have told my 19 year old self what I’d be up to as a 27 year old and the life that would unravel in-between I would have probably stared in disbelief.

She gave up a career training horses to work in the cooperate world of Human Resources? Is what I would have asked myself. But my 27 year old self would answer: No, you stepped out of a toxic and unbalanced lifestyle to dive deeper into your gifts outside of horses and to provide yourself a career with purpose and meaning while still keeping your horses your deepest love and passion.

If there are other 19 year old Heather’s out there reading this: take care of yourself. Don’t be afraid to sacrifice the goals you had to make your system healthier and more effective, your goals will still be there waiting for you.

How To Fix Writers Block?

I started to search on the infamous Google on “how to fix writers block?” The results were ground breaking. Majority of it was to walk away, get refreshed, go take a shower… Well, these are all of the things I normally do to procrastinate writing and alas, here we are with no paper written. So then another site recommended writing about something different. To get your mind in the grove, the fingers typing away on the keyboard, essentially getting the mind out of paper paralysis.

Lightbulb- my blog.

So, let’s write about why I am having a hard time writing. Majority of my college papers range from 5-8 pages, this one only has to be 4. Win! Yet, I’m still sitting here with minimal words on my paper. The thought of having 7 more semesters left echos through my head. I wonder how I’ve survived through 9 years of college at this point and all of a sudden these last two semesters I feel like I am taken over by an overwhelming amount of paper paralysis. Some days I could just sit and knock out a 5 page paper within a matter of a couple of hours. I find myself sitting here with my brain going in so many other directions when I really just need to read about Mother Jones and write why she was such a bad ass.

Ah, simple. Moral of the story- just do it. Mother Jones, here we come!

Unplug and Release

I’m feeling better today than I have in months. I believe there a couple of factors: Facebook hiatus, eating, movement, only one more semester left.

The absence of Facebook, who would have thought it would make that much of a difference? I write in this blog not knowing who will be my audience. Where typically I would post my words on this page and follow up by sharing the words on Facebook, where I would then get the occasional feedback. Now that I don’t have Facebook, the ones reading this will have had to intentionally look up my blog and be interested in what I’ve been up to. How cool is that? If you’re reading my words, it’s because you’re intentionally wanting to do so, not just because as you were scrolling on the endless cycle of media you stumbled across my post.

Our new phone box, along with the awesome Dressage4Kids, Inc coasters I got as a gift for giving a massage presentation at a Lendon Gray clinic this summer (which I never wrote about, so I figured I’d add it in here!)

For the past year I’ve been getting weaker and weaker. My legs and core remain pretty strong from riding and doing barn chores, especially since it seems like a 15 minute walk just from the pasture to the barn…. but my upper body has atrophied and turned into skin and bone. I would move a horse poop bucket and injure myself. I’ve been working more than I’ve been eating and that definitely didn’t help with my muscle tone. As my stress levels increase, my appetite decreased. I could go the entire day without eating and feel fine. But what I really didn’t realize was I was actually not fine, I was struggling with anxiety and depression and I was doing all that I could to just keep going. Usually when I did eat, I could only eat about 1/4 – 1/2 of what my normal portion sizes were. It was physically painful to eat more than that. I scared the daylights out of my family as they were about to have an intervention with me if I had lost anymore weight. In 2015, I weighed 140 lbs. In 2016 through 2017, I weighed closer to the 130-135 lb range, which I feel is a relatively healthy weight for me. This year, my lowest was 118 lbs. That’s about how much I weighed in 9th grade.

I had been pouring so much energy into trying to survive that I was slowly disappearing. The severity of the situation didn’t really hit me until one night, after I hadn’t really eaten anything all day, I tried to finish my dinner and felt nauseous after about two bites. I found myself looking up eating disorders that night and trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Thankfully, Google appropriately diagnosed me with ‘stress’, since I didn’t see myself as overweight or needing to slim down, I could see that I was scrawny and depleted and I wasn’t proud of it. Although my mind wasn’t in-line with having an eating disorder, my body was acting as if it didn’t know how to process food anymore, so I needed a plan to help get my body back on track. The key tips were: Add more frequent meals, pre-pack snacks for the day for convenience and lower stress (I laughed when I read that one).

I’m currently up to 125 lbs, which I know doesn’t seem like a lot considering I’m 5’7″, but I’ve been adding more meals and more snacks throughout the day and I’m noticing the portion sizes I’m able to eat get bigger and bigger. “No pain no gain!” I tell myself as I force myself to finish what I have on my plate, even if it takes me longer than it should. I also have a weight gain app to keep track of my calories, it sends me notifications and reminds me to eat something. I’m finding it’s really hard to eat healthy food and get enough for the day. My goal is at least 2500 calories a day so I’m having to add a lot of oils, nuts, peanut butter, fruits and yogurt has also been a great go-to. My goal is to get back up to 130 lbs and then start doing weights again so I can keep building my strength and muscle.

To get prepared for my working out phase as it approaches, Allison and I have been setting aside time to turn up the music and ‘work out’ and get our bodies moving. We pretty much just do whatever we feel like from crunches, push ups, yoga movements, arm circles… Whatever our bodies need. I’ve found myself just trying to release and unlock my shoulders. So I’ve been doing a combination of getting the circulation to my arm muscles through different exercises followed by stretching and trying to expand my chest. I was struggling with a lot of neck and back pain from being on the computer for school, it’s even been difficult to fall asleep at night because my shoulders felt so cramped, so being able to open my posture back up has felt absolutely incredible.

Self care day! Visiting the Ann Arbor Art Museum with my lovely lady

In efforts to relieve a bit of our stress, Allison and I took a little trip to Ann Arbor over the weekend. We went to an awesome little coffee shop, explored the art museum, walked through some of the beautiful campus buildings of the University of Michigan… Absolutely incredible! There is so much art and character there, even through the streets filled with lights and paintings… We had a wonderful day and it reignited our love for adventure.

Fueling my body, releasing my tension built up from my stress and posture, planning for the next chapter just around the corner as I’ll be a college graduate… I see the light!

Cheers, may your darkest days be surrounded by those you love and those you are loved by, along with a faith that keeps you in absolute certainty that better days are near, and those better days are here.

Life is a beautiful thing, my lesson over the past year is there will always negativity. There will always be too much to do and not enough time. However, there’s just as much good in the world that could be happening at the exact same time. It’s what you choose to focus on that will consume you. Acknowledge the bad, and then let it go. Always remember to redirect your focus to discovering, celebrating and cherishing the good.

Until next time.

 

Mic’s Play Day

Yesterday was Mic’s first play day since he’s been feeling better! We played with obstacles on the ground, rode in the outdoor and we even popped over a couple small cross rails! I had a blast, and I think he did too!

Just hopped out of the trailer, settling in

“This?”

“Look ma’!”

Mic loving his ball!

“What is this?”

“MATTRESS!”

“I love my mattress….”

“I REALLY love my mattress…”

Proud boy!

Alert and healthy…

Cute boy!

Holy trot!

McSassy

He was exhausted the next day!

Good-Bye 2018, Hello 2019

What an adventure 2018 was. A year that completely kicked my ass, broke me down, but the rebuild is making me stronger than I would have been without it. February of 2018 we moved into our dream facility where we could train year-round, have horses in training and boarding for students and live on the property. We were terrified for the move, but the fear was overpowered by our drive and our determination to make it work and create something bigger than ourselves. I’m so grateful for the amazing barn family we’ve had through the process, I truly believe our success is because of you all.

Trying to complete my bachelors degree as a full time student, maintaining the fitness and training of our own horses on top of training horses, giving lessons, distributing hay, cleaning up manure, the usual last minute things required to maintain a farm… we’ve definitely had our struggles.

There were so many times we felt like we were running on empty, like we weren’t going to make it, but at the end of every month we take a deep breath and realize we made it.

My greatest treasure from 2018 is the amazing people we’ve met and the clients, friends and family that have supported our business and made living this lifestyle possible. So many people brought our vision for helping horses and humans come to life, we’ve even been blessed to have a documentary made about DuFour Dynamics that will be coming out in 2019. There have been countless hours of planning and capturing footage. I am so grateful for this experience and the time David has poured into this project.

I could go on and on about the progress our students have made this year and how grateful I feel to be a part of their journey. So many ‘firsts’ for some students, and the progression sense is incredible to see. I absolutely loved having our working students this summer, meeting new students and their horses, and watching all of our clients get closer and closer to their goals.

Along with meeting so many wonderful people in 2018, we also welcomed a few new fur-babies. Allison found her heart horse, Zeus, in the beginning of the year. This opened the door for Annabelle and I to work together and spark my love for OTTBs. Though she’s been off of the track for quite some time, and Allison had put a TON of time and work into her… I absolutely adore her natural sensitivity and spice. We were able make our first appearance in the show ring last summer and I look forward to more to come.

And then, there’s Mic. We realized there was a need for helping OTTB’s by giving them a solid foundation and finding a second career for them. We looked for a ‘crazy’ horse that had good conformation and potential. This is when we found Mic. We couldn’t really tell much from his video as he was being trotted in hand with a lip chain. He had a pogo-stick trot, amped up on adrenaline. We thought he was cute and needed an experienced person, so he came to us June 27th, 2018.

When Mic got off of the trailer, Allison took him into his stall since he was technically supposed to be her project horse to restart. After he had a chance to stretch his legs and move into the arena, we quickly realized he was a dressage star in the making. His movement and cadence was unbelievable.

As he was floating around the arena, I realized it would be incredibly stupid to let this incredible horse go, and I told Allison I was stealing him from her. In that same breath, I also said, “Shit. This means I need to sell Fenway.”

The excitement for Mic was equal to the pain I felt having to let go of Fenway. Having Fenway for sale were the most brutal couple of month’s I’ve ever experienced. Through the tears, self doubt, questioning what the hell I was doing, we finally found Fenway his people. Two sisters who adore him, dressed him up as a Cheeseburger for halloween, and call him ‘fuzz-bucket’…. That’s honestly all I wanted for him. People that he was able to be funny with, and that would be funny back.

And then there is Fable… My first heart horse who has made me the person I am today. Valentines Day of 2018 Fable was granted his wish of being the only child, but as Miss Avery as his mother. Instead of saying I lost a family member, I’d like to say we gained Avery and Tina as part of our family. Fable will always be my guy. The goofball that taught me that absolutely NOTHING is impossible, and to ‘forget’ the haters. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for that horse, and I am so grateful because I know Avery feels the same way about him.

Best Friends

Fable, Fenway, and our little Mira found their own humans that adore them. Through this process I’ve found I’m not cut out for horse sales, but I feel incredibly lucky I was able to find such amazing people to take care of these amazing horses we became so close to over the years.

2019 rolled around faster than I thought, but, here we are. This is the year I will graduate from Oakland University. 16 more weeks of being a full time college student, full time horse trainer, barn manager, body worker, farrier, personal trainer. I’m grateful to have so many hats to keep me afloat, but I’m also very excited to hang up my college student hat for good.

I typically try to go into the New Year with a gung-ho sort of bad ass mantra, but at this point all I can think of is “April 26th, 2019.” On April 26th, 2019, after 8 years of college, I am finally going to be a college graduate.

So, 2019… Until next time.

Unstuck

I caught myself getting stuck in the mentality of ‘maintenance’ vs. ‘growth’.

My biggest fear is to be stuck. Stuck in a life where I feel like I could have done ‘more’. I want to live a life of meaning. A life of making differences. A life of service and a life of sharing what I’ve learned in the process.

It occurred to me today while I had been running myself so thin I barely had enough energy to ‘maintain’, let alone ‘grow’.

To combat stagnant mediocrity acceptance, I’ve come up with a plan for myself:

2018 – Bachelors Degree and USDF Scores for the L Education Program

To hold myself accountable: I will be creating articles and presentations for each class on how the information relates to my career as an influence in the equine industry. These will be public documents in my efforts to make a difference.

In order to be a candidate for the L Education Program, in hopes to be an L Graduate with the ability to evaluate dressage tests through Second Level, there are a few prerequisites involving having 2 scores 65% or higher at the highest test of Second Level, and one score 62% or higher on a Third Level Test.

When I showed Fable, I satisfied my third level score pererequisite. However, my highest score at Second Level Test 4 was a 64%. So this summer I will be showing Annabelle Second Level Test 4 in hopes to attain two scores above 65%.

2019 – L Education Program and beyond!

I will have successfully completed my Bachelors Degree in the beginning of 2019. It’s a beautiful feeling knowing there is an end in sight and I am able to take these last couple of semesters and focus on the information that will be beneficial in future teachings. The reason I decided to take my focus off of Vet School was because I knew there were other areas I could make a difference and I believe our sport is only as strong as our judges. I want to join forces and continue educating riders who strive for those high percentages on WHERE those percentages come from and what aspects are important to consider in the process of gearing your horse for show season from a strengthening and conditioning aspect as well as the fundamentals of dressage.

My eyes are open, heart is beating strong. I am going to the gym, getting bodywork done on MYSELF and my horses, taking care of the relationships in my life and living to the fullest.

“The longest journey you’ll ever take is from your head to your heart”.

Cheers!

The Sun Will Rise

A lot has happened since my last post on September 14th. I was dead set on Heather DuFour DVM, nothing was going to get in my way, so I thought.

I decided to go full force, full time school, Vet Assistant, Vice-President for OU’s Pre-Vet Club… It all sounded great!

November 1st, I decided to put Fenway up for sale because it wasn’t fair how little time I had for him and there was no end in sight.

November 3rd, I decided to film a sale video for Fenway, my heart just about burst. Free jumping, typically you send them over the jump and they run around a little crazy feisty with little to no interest in you… Unless they’re Fenway. I sent him over the jump and he would turn around after the jump and canter straight to me. I was in absolute bliss and the entire day I asked myself why I’d want anything different?

November 20th, we lost our Koda. He had such a sweet, old soul, but at the young age of 3 years old he was taken by a traumatic incident way too soon. I always said he was my ‘dream pony’, the one I always wanted as a little girl. He had two young girls that loved him and now we all miss him dearly.

After the loss of Koda it really opened my eyes to how fragile life is. We’re here and gone in the blink of an eye. If that’s the case, I thought, what am I really spending my precious time on?

I found myself miserable. I had lost 10 pounds and felt weaker than ever. I had hit a new definition of running on empty.

January 18th, we lost Smoke. Again, an absolute tragedy of a kind, talented young horse with a promising future ahead, taken far too soon.

Life is so precious, and so fragile. Although the past few months have certainly had their ‘downs’, there have been amazing ‘ups’ as well.

While grieving the loss of Koda, I came to the conclusion that I was going to keep my Fenway, and keep living a life of passion and purpose.

I absolutely love working with horses. I love seeing the rawness of the beginning, the struggle and perseverance through the learning curves, the rewarding moments when things start to harmonize… It’s all part of the journey. I am a horse trainer, I’m a riding coach, I am a fitness coach, I am an entrepreneur, I’m a forever student, I’m a lot of things. But most importantly, I’m Heather. Simply, Heather.

Going forward, there’s been a change of plans.

We’ve had an amazing opportunity open for us to move our business, DuFour Dynamics, to a beautiful facility in Holly, MI. With an Indoor arena we’ll be able to work our horses year-round. We will be taking in horses March 1st as we’ll have plenty of room for students to board and horses to come for training.

I will be graduating at the end of next year with a Bachelors of Integrative Studies and a minor in Exercise Science, taking specific classes that will be directly beneficial to me in my career as a Biomechanical Riding Coach, Personal Trainer, and Equine Bodyworker. I’m very excited to stretch my understanding of exercise science and to polish my skills as a leader, teacher and writer.

So at the end of the day, I can’t help but feel grateful. There’s been a lot of hardship and heartbreak, but just when you feel like you can’t go any further, the sun shines it’s warm light and suddenly you know everything’s going to be okay. These hard times shape us, allowing us to refocus and prioritize our values so we’re truly able to appreciate the gift of life we’ve been given.

Koda Bear and His Girls

Smoke Signals

November 21st, Koda’s Sunrise

January 19th, Smoke’s Sunrise

 

Set Goals, Take Action, Hold on Tight

Goal:

Heather DuFour DVM

Action:

Narrow the focus. Study with excellence. Get experience. Apply yourself. Keep looking forward. Kick ass.

Hold Tight:

Four months ago I was let go from my ‘Big Girl Job’. No more comfortable office, no more comfortable pay. I felt like I was back to square one.

That was the beginning of my revolution.

I set up an appointment with my academic advisor, enrolled full time for summer school and received higher grades than I had in five years with 100% attendance.

Moving Forward:

Just accepted a position at Parker Veterinary Hospital as a Veterinary Assistant, representing Oakland University’s Pre-Veterinary Medicine Association as Secretary, and I am enrolled full time at Oakland University with 14 credits.

In addition, Allison and I have an incredibly talented young horse in full training and a group of amazing riders that inspire me every day.

It’s a busy, crazy, chaotic, but beautiful life.

So until next time…

Narrow the focus. Study with excellence. Get experience. Apply yourself. Keep looking forward. Kick ass.

A Victory Over The Past

Perspective is an interesting thing. I tend to lean more toward the optimistic side of things: When one door closes, another door opens.

A couple of weeks ago I was unexpectedly let go from my job. After the initial feeling of complete terror struck my body, I realized it was a blessing in disguise. The financial stability was nice, but the freedom and love for what I was about to dive into was incomparable.

As you might already know, I have set my sails for vet school. I met with my academic adviser and I’ve got about a year and a half of full-time undergrad classes to finish before applying to Vet School. In addition to school, what I didn’t realize was that I needed about 3,000 hours of vet assistant type exposure.

So for this, I am grateful I was let go. I am taking this as an opportunity to grow and expand the things I love to do. I’ve spent so much time creating a Plan B to my life that I had forgotten what it felt like to focus on Plan A.

Plan A has been set into motion: I’ve successfully competed in my first horse show with Fable for the first time in 5 years and we came out at 4th level test 1 with a 59% and I’m proud of it. I have been beating around the bush for the last 5 years because a lack of confidence in myself and that is OVER. The spell has been BROKEN! I will continue showing and striving for my Silver Medal this summer and continue training for my Gold. I will continue sharing my knowledge and keep the door open to any students who want to join the journey and be a part of the process. I will continue reaching out and advocating for myself and my team because I believe in the dynamic differences of DuFour Dynamics.

Yes, I will have struggles. Yes, I will still have doubts. But I am SO grateful for my partner in crime, Allison, and my wonderful friends and family who support me and encourage me to truly live my dream. I am ALSO grateful I did not give up on myself. I fell again and again, and I will continue to fall, but most importantly I will continue to get back up.

Well here it is: What you focus on expands.

So where is my focus? Horses. Fitness. Love.

I’m putting it into the Universe. My heart and soul are invested. Fear will no longer be my barricade. This girl is unstoppable. ❤

Coffee and Ice Cream, The Bullies

It’s official. I’m an addict. Coffee and Ice Cream. Today they tried to get the best of me.

I’ve been able to break free of the cycle, but it’s usually pretty difficult and I have to wean myself. Cold turkey never usually works. Over the weekend, I’ve cut myself back to once per week and It’s only been three days for the Ice Cream, and one day for the Coffee.

This morning Coffee made me stare intensely at the Keurig for about 30 seconds, but I heated up my tea and proceeded to walked away.

As the day went on I felt my body getting heavier, my focus becoming blurred, and I noticed I was staring at the same screen for about an hour. Ice Cream gave me a little nudge of excitement, and although I thought I was leaving for some fresh air, Ice Cream had other plans.

My body took me straight to Dairy Queen. I sat outside in the parking lot looking at the delicious choices. I turned my car around and took a cat nap to sleep off the craving. All while fighting the urge to pout like a child being denied of Ice Cream.

I woke up feeling a bit more refreshed, but Ice Cream still wasn’t finished with me… He had another idea. I started driving back to work and my body turned into a parking spot right outside of the grocery store. I walked down the Ice Cream isle like a zombie for about 10 minutes. As I realized what was happening I put my foot down and decided to walk out.

However, Ice Cream was waiting in a freezer right by the register I had to walk by. I stopped. I stared. I opened the door and grabbed an Ice Cream Sandwich and waited inline.

After watching the person in front of me scan each of his 300 tuna can’s that he had in his cart I looked down at Ice Cream and pondered if all of this was worth it… Just to feel equally as miserable if I did before. I put Ice Cream and his wicked plans back in that freezer and left.

I ran back to my car and drove to work as fast as I could before Coffee or Ice Cream popped out at me again. Here I am, two cups of water and an orange sitting on my desk proud to say I did not cave to my two sneaky Addictions.

Coffee, Ice Cream… Not today.